How To Tell Better Lies
Hubert W. Downchild, Resident Rapscallion

Why tell lies?

There is no reason to just tell a lie but there are lots of reasons to tell a good lie. Never tell a bad lie because its not good for your reputation. Its not even a good idea to tell lies as a means of making a profit. For business purposes, the truth usually has more utility. Also, its never a good idea to tell lies when the outcome could result in doing time. Lying is never good if the result is a loss of freedom. Before telling a lie, always do a mental cost benefit analysis. If you must break the law, don't do it very often, because getting caught is a number's game. Break the law enough and you will be a yard stomper.

The best reason to tell lies is that lies are what people want to hear. In many activities, the person who is told the lie, will draw it out of you and and would not accept the truth anyway. It is a supply and demand thing like in economics. In conversation there is a big demand for lies and the expert lie teller is simply filling a void that would be filled regardless, usually by someone with less scruples than you, the expert. The expert lie teller is like the expert hunter. Just as the expert hunter does not kill out of cruelty, the expert lie teller tries to avoid hurting others. There are many good reason for telling lies. Whole populations within every democracy will only vote candidates into office who tell real good lies. The best reason to tell lies is that people love hearing them and the expert lie teller is always loved and appreciated. Tell lies, but be honest with yourself. Remember, that if there is ever a significant demand for the truth, I can help you with that also.

 You and your integrity

Your integrity is a precious asset but it is not priceless. Never give up an asset frivolously whether it is financial or a personal attribute. The kind of lies mentioned in the previous paragraph, lies that are in demand, are little threat to your reputation. Rarely do people question the veracity of something they really want to hear and believe. In those cases, a lie is more of an accommodation or a courtesy. But, telling lie after lie just for convenience sake or for personal gain is like wasting finances on drugs or gambling. Never give anyone a reason to question your integrity. Integrity is like money in the bank. It gets you what you want on a day to day basis. But the time will come when a big whopper is in order. You may need to lie to protect yourself. The prospect of a huge financial gain may be the motive. Whatever the reason, when the big whopper is told you are more likely to be believed if no one has reason to doubt your honesty.